Don’t get me wrong, my previous life was beautiful. It was filled with so much goodness - especially in my wonderful marriage. There’s so many things that we did right….
B U T…
In my previous life I wore rose-colored glasses.
Everything could be fixed with a cup of coffee and my determination and drive.
I was motivated by the work and by the income.
In my previous life I woke up ready to take on the day, loved to be busy, loved when someone told me I couldn’t do something because I’d prove them wrong ten times over.
In my previous life a catastrophe would be when someone replaced the toilet paper roll so it rolled under instead of over, or maybe didn’t replace it at all.
In my previous life my first world problems seemed a big deal and I’d get sucked into the gossip and drama; I’d play a role and my mind would be consumed of it.
In my previous lifeI did everything that I should and could and need to.
In my previous life, life was good.
And yet, I was so naive.
In my previous life I got annoyed with my husband easily; bantering was a form of flirting for us.
In my previous life we’d go out on dates maybe once a quarter because we were so busy with work, life, the kids, or just too tired.
In my previous life we’d sit comfortably on a separate couch to watch The Walking Dead for our Sunday night ‘us time.’
In my previous life we would’t hold hands in public because it just wasn’t who we were…
And we were still so good.
We really did have a great marriage.
And then he died unexpectedly.
But knowing what we know now, we would have done things differently.
We would have prioritized ourselves as a couple more.
We would have done the small sweet things to show eachother we loved eachother more.
We would have taken that romantic trip, just the two of us, like we had talked about for years.
We would have eaten more meals around the table together.
We would have held hands more often.
We would have had sex more often.
We would have gotten less annoyed with each other; I would have picked up his empty water glasses without a fight, and wiped the stubble out of the bathroom sink without a nagging comment.
I would have sent him more encouraging text messages during the work day; would have sexted him to make him smile.
I would have not complained about me being the one who always planned the dates and would have just done it without complaint.
I would have cooked more meals that he enjoyed.
I would have not complained about having to bring his phone or wallet or jacket he forgot up to him during the work day.
We would have sat next to each other on the couch.
We would have kissed in front of the kids more. Maybe we would have danced in the kitchen together.
We would have laughed more.
We would have smiled to each other more.
I would have been more grateful and appreciative, and more patient.
We both would have.
This second chapter is definitely more intentional.
I refuse to go through the motions again.
I refused to get sucked into the hustle.
I refuse to be too busy again.
I have actively grieved for two years and I am at the point of truly redefining myself and our lives. Our girls deserve a full and happy life. And I’m the one to help provide that for them.
Part of that decision of living more intentionally includes not being too busy. It’s okay that we slow our lives down. It’s okay to limit the activities. How busy we are does not define our success.
In fact, what is success?!?
It’s time that we redefine it.
Society, “the Jones’,” social media, our parents, our peers - the try to define what success is, but success is truly different for everyone! And the only person who can define YOUR success is YOU! There is no right or wrong answer to it.
What do you want? How do you want it? How do you want to live?
I share my story because my life is richer and more full now - even in the absence of my husband… because I’ve chosen it to be like this. It’s not this way by accident.